“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.”   E Kubler-Ross

 

What is coaching?

Coaching in the sports world is applied to the knowledgeable, skilled and experienced professional who trains the team to believe in themselves, to teach the correct skills, to motivate, to lead, to remind them of the big picture and what they need to do to get there.

The coach knows each member of the team, their strengths and how to help them develop their weaknesses  so they can reach their potential. The coach supports, guides and instructs.

What is Specialist Grief Recovery Coaching?

Coaching in this context is about having me, a skilled, qualified and experienced professional who is non-judgmental, making no assumptions about how or what you should be doing but is walking beside you on your healing journey.

As a specialist grief recovery coach I have personal experience of losing a loved one to suicide (see below) and am qualified in the consequences and complexities of this type of loss emotionally, mentally, physically and socially.

Having dealt with my own PTSD, complex grief disorder, delayed grief and further losses I have a huge insight into the impact of bereavement and some very helpful methods that can be useful in reaching a place of acceptance and peace with what has happened.

This coaching is for you if you:

  • have been bereaved by suicide
  • feel you are not moving on
  • are feeling like you’re on a roller-coaster of grief and can see no way of getting off
  • are feeling lonely and isolated
  • are experiencing your relationships falling apart
  • feel exhausted or anxious
  • find everyday tasks hard to do
  • cannot concentrate or focus on the present
  • are having difficulty making decisions
  • are avoiding going out and social events
  • are feeling responsible, guilty, shame, stigma

How can coaching help me? 

The tragedy of losing a loved one by suicide is full of unbelievable, unspeakable heartache and pain. The emotions experienced are huge, ranging from shock, anger, betrayal, guilt, self-blame, nightmares, flashbacks, confusion, lonely, isolated, rejection, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) to name a few.

Family and friends all play their supportive role but this can be limited as they are usually grieving in their own way which may be very different to yours and can leave you feeling isolated and lonely with your pain.

Shame and stigma is an additional burden of those grieving a suicide loss which is very isolating and can make you feel vulnerable and unsafe in the presence of others who have no idea what you are going through. They are usually also the ones who, in their ignorance, mention the word ‘selfish’ or “coward” which makes you want to scream at them!

The coaching relationship can help you explore the range of thoughts and feelings you are experiencing, in a safe and confidential environment. You can discover how to navigate your relationships, come to terms with the enormity of what has happened, what that means for you and how you move forward, forever changed, into your new ‘normal’  and what you can expect in your new landscape.

How many sessions and how often?

Just as each bereavement is unique the number of sessions is also unique. What I have found is that most clients work with me for a year. They find weekly sessions beneficial for the first couple of months then a session every two weeks.

What qualifies me to work with you (apart from the formal qualifications – see below)?

My dad died by suicide in 1981. I found him. I was 18 and wasn’t offered any help. I suffered in silence with PTSD and complicated grief for the next 13 years as I got on with my life as best I could.

Age 31, following a divorce and full of hope I turned to psychotherapy. In weekly sessions I voiced, for the very first time in my life, my heartache, shame and loneliness about being a child carer for a bi-polar mother (she died when I was 21) and enduring the physical and emotional abuse of an alcoholic father, who was also my main carer.

Three years later I left the uncaring sessions that kept me delving deeper and deeper , feeling drained by talking about my pain every week and regularly leaving the session in tears. In that time we hadn’t even addressed the impact of the suicide on me.

Many therapists, with tons of credentials, using different healing methods failed to pick up and address the root cause of my PTSD, and anxiety because I was very good at putting the mask on and presenting myself as a very confident and capable woman, by then divorced and a single parent.

No-one was able to see beyond my superficial front that I was a master at presenting.

Because my trauma was such a long time ago no-one noticed the extent to which I was still traumatised and they just tried to deal with the symptoms I was presenting with rather than the root cause.

Over time, I figured out my own healing using various methods. In doing this I have been able to help hundreds of clients because as an Intuitive Empath I can quickly get to the root cause and they (individuals, couples, teenagers) can get on with their lives.

 

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