Were you one of the many who set New Year resolutions for 2015? Have you started to take action to make them happen or have they fallen by the wayside already?

Or did you think what’s the point as they don’t work anyway?

On 4 January 2015, I shared on BBC Radio Gloucestershire, Bristol and Wiltshire the three core steps necessary to achieve your goals.

 

 

The slot was time limited so I had to be brief but here are the three steps for clarity, focus, and direction.

Step 1

“He who has a big enough why can bear almost any how” Nietzsche

When your why is unclear and not big enough, you are more likely to give up and remain in your dis-comfort zone.

When setting goals you are attempting to achieve something for the first time in your life and may give up when you face the first hurdle thinking it should all be easy and straightforward.

The reality is that how can we know all the challenges that may arise? More important is who we become internally by tackling the obstacles on the road to achieving our goal. We may increase our self confidence, our problem solving skills, improve our communication and people skills, we may go on a new course that increases our skill set and so on.

You have to know the reason WHY you want the goal/outcome. Consider:

  • on a scale of 0 to 10 how important is it? If it’s not at least 7 or above then you’re less likely to achieve it. Ideally, it’s 8 or above.
  • what will happen once I’ve achieved this goal?
  • who or what else in my life will be affected by my goal?
  • what other consequences will there be of my goal?
  • what will I have to give up to achieve it?
  • what new skills might I need to achieve this goal?
  • what support will I need to achieve it and from whom?
  • ensure your goal is for you, about you, not about someone else changing.
  • on a scale of 0 – 10 how much control do you have over achieving your goal? This is about your actions. If the majority of your goal depends on others doing their bit, you can only focus on what you can do towards it.

 

Step 2

Visualise this thing that you want, see it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blue print, and begin to build. Robert Collier

The language you use in setting your goal is very important. It is vital that you are able to see the end result because this means you engage your mind and body fully and programme it to achieve the desired goal.

A goal stated as “I want to stop smoking” or “I want to lose weight” can be more like wishes that do not motivate and inspire planning or action.

Notice what happens in you when you read the above and the following:

“It is (date) and I am a healthy and energetic non-smoker”

“It is (date) and I am wearing my size 12 black dress” or “It is (date) and I weigh —-“

It is crucial to be able to see/visualise yourself having achieved the goal. Close your eyes and become aware of what you are seeing, hearing, and feeling in the future:

  • where are you?
  • what are you wearing?
  • who else is there?
  • what are you doing?

Also:

  • what are others saying to you now that you’ve achieved your goal?
  • what are you saying to yourself having put the work in to achieve?

Plus:

  • what are you feeling having achieved your goal? Proud, happy, excited?
  • where is that good feeling in your body – in your chest, tummy, arms, legs?

 

Step 3

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. Dale Carnegie

The third crucial step to achieving is taking action. You can set the most wonderful goals using the tools above but if you have no action plan then nothing will change.

Taking action immediately once you have set a goal is important. You need the momentum that comes with that to keep you going.

Monitor the results you are getting and be willing to adjust your actions accordingly.

Finally, be kind to yourself. If you slip in your actions, do not use that as an excuse to give up. Treat each day as new start and get on with it. This is where you have to remind yourself of your original reason, the why you wanted this goal.

 

Achieve clarity, focus and direction.

Contact me, 07944 931 437, for sessions face-to-face or on Skype if you would like to achieve your goals this year. I can assist you with gaining clarity about the areas of your life that you wish to change, help you focus on the why, language to use, and provide direction with an action plan.

 

 

 

The Holistic Approach To Inside & Out Beauty

Beautiful

 

 

 

 

 

What is beauty?

Millions of young girls learn about beauty from the media that needs to sell papers, films, songs, soaps, clothes and so on. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year we are told which body shape is more desirable, which clothes will make you feel more sexy, which perfume and deodorant will make you more alluring, and which handbags and shoes will mean you are really trendy.

Almost unquestioningly we set about fulfilling the stereotype; spending hundreds on the recommended cosmetics, clothes and other paraphernalia in our aspirations to be beautiful and desirable like the stories we are sold.

Too many of us, however, in spite of having the spa treatments, holidays in far flung places, ideal careers, living in the desirable area, and driving the luxurious car, cannot understand why we still feel unfulfilled, unhappy, self critical, unlovable, resentful, jealous, empty, etc, in our 30s, 40s, and 50s and even beyond.

What we, that includes me, have painfully realised is that beauty, contentment, and happiness is not just about the expensive and latest lotions and potions full of hope and promise of youthfulness; or about the anti-ageing facials, relaxing massages, and beautiful looking nails. Don’t get me wrong, all these treatments certainly play their part in helping us feel good about ourselves, and I have indulged in them all over the years. But, they are just a part of the bigger picture of really feeling beautiful.

Some celebrities, as they age, write about what really matters and makes a person beautiful. They usually conclude what a minority of us have known all along – that true beauty and feeling happy actually starts from within. You glow when you have stopped relying on just the externals of how you look and when you have tackled the negative habits that age you, drain your energy, and rob you of confidence.

Inner Beauty

What I’ve found through working with weight loss clients is that in spite of trying countless diets over the years, miracle pills, exercising on and off, what prevents many from successfully achieving the results they desire is that they are unaware of the root cause of their original weight gain and retention.

When the root cause is unknown the negative habit remains strong and in control of their behaviour. It’s like a programme that runs in the back of their mind and they don’t even know about it. All they are aware of is their size and they want to be slimmer and wear the clothes in their wardrobe and feel confident.

However, this hidden or unconscious belief or programme means that you are not going to achieve what you truly want until that programme is identified and transformed leading to literally freeing your body.

What I am referring to here is the strong connection between the mind, our emotions and our resulting behaviours or habits.

Real beauty is not just skin deep. Truly beautiful people feel comfortable in their own skin. This comes across not only in the way they dress and the colours they wear, but also in their posture and how they walk.

Clients I’ve worked with begin to feel:

• self-assured
• self accepting
• calmer
• in control
• confident
• relaxed

and they smile a lot.

The 3D beauty approach is one of successfully and effectively matching the mind, emotions, and habits. It makes no difference what you have experienced, when it happened, or how long you have felt what you are feeling.

This alignment brings with it peacefulness, contentment, self-appreciation, and self-confidence. This means you valuing yourself for who and what you are in the present whilst working towards your goals.

 

What needs to happen for you to prioritise yourself … your health, well-being, and happiness?

 

“Beauty shouldn’t be about changing yourself to achieve an ideal or be more socially acceptable. Real beauty, the interesting, truly pleasing kind, is about honoring the beauty within you and without you. It’s about knowing that someone else’s definition of pretty has no hold over you.”         Golda Poretsky

 

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How do you start the New Year? Apart from merriment and a heavy head, most people see it as an opportunity to start afresh with certain areas of their life. To finally achieve the goals they set as last years resolutions and gave up on within a month or two, if not just a few weeks, or sometimes, days!

The most popular goals set tend to be health related as is demonstrated by the huge rise in gym memberships in January in a bid to lose weight and have healthy eating plans. Ambitions to stop smoking or drink less is another popular aim.

The goals are very well meaning, and yet, what is it about these resolutions that means the majority of us give up so easily on them?

There are many reasons and I believe one of the main reasons is that setting these resolutions has become a bit of a joke. It’s like we know we’re likely not to keep to them so it’s OK to state them and then give up on them. That’s what we’re supposed to do…right?

Another reason why so many fail may be due to the fact that you have not decided deep down to change and therefore not fully committed to change. You may think, and hope, that because you’re setting your goal at this time of year, it will somehow magically happen, without much input on your part.

Effort

In my experience of client work, too many people have no idea about the commitment, determination, and effort (or hard work) required to achieve goals. There is a wish for a ‘magic wand’

What they don’t realise is that through the, sometimes tough, process of achieving goals, they update their negative beliefs and behaviours. They transform inside out. They feel proud of themselves for sticking with it even when it was tough because the end result is amazing. They are then able to set further goals, take more risks, and lead more satisfying, fulfilling, and content lives.

Being part of a focused, structured group and/or a coach/therapist is the best ‘magic wand’ there is and working with one can mean that you are accountable, stay on track, and actually achieve your goals. It can feel lonely without support, encouragement, and guidance from someone who has been in your shoes.